Back in the day, one of my favorite “cheat” cookbooks (as
opposed to the real deal like Julia Child) was The Phony Gourmet by Pam Young and Peggy Jones (still available at http://amzn.to/142Nx0Y ) Their sassy,
familiar tone filled with family dynamics made the book fun to read, and the
food was pretty darn good, too.
The philosophy was that you could fool people into thinking
that you were a better cook than you were and/or that you spent days preparing
the repast when in fact you whipped it up in minutes.
What’s not to like, right?
One morning in water aerobics, some of the ladies were
talking about household cleaning cheats. It sounded like a topic many of us
could relate to: The Phony Housekeeper.
In my culinary mysteries series (Mission Impastable out this summer from Oak Tree Press), Gina is the compulsive one who
cleans just because; Maria cleans out of habit; but Alli isn’t so drawn to the
domestic duties of cleaning. Oh, she doesn’t kick piles of clothes out of the
way--well, not often--but she sees little need to dust something because it
will just get dusty again. Same with her bed--in only a few hours it will be
messed up again, so why bother.
I kept a cartoon on my bulletin board for a long time:
Clean and Hide--another example of when two
different words
mean
the same thing.
I think Alli would like these 13 “Phony Housekeeper” tips
culled from my own and others’ experiences:
“I never put the vacuum cleaner in the closet. It stays by
the front door. That way, if unexpected guests drop in, I say, ‘I was just
getting ready to clean’.”
“If I have company coming that includes tall people, I clean
the top of the refrigerator, otherwise, leave it. Nobody will know.”
“I’ve been known to put all kinds of stuff in the oven and
dishwasher to stash them until after company leaves. But don’t forget them and
run the appliance. I’ve lost some good magazines that way.”
“I keep a can of furniture polish and a rag on a table in
the living room. If somebody comes to the door, I tell them they interrupted my
cleaning.”
“If the house looks tidy, it doesn’t have to be clean.
People assume it is.”
“I throw stuff in the shower and pull the curtain. Voila!
Instant clean.”
“I spot clean the floor rather than mopping the whole thing.
I look for spots and wipe them with a wet paper towel.”
“Have you ever stuffed clothes that need folding under chair cushions. It works if you
only have a few pieces and somebody shows up at your door. Once I looked for a
blouse for three weeks before I remembered where it was.”
“I blow dust off surfaces on my way to answer the door.”
“I answer the door with a cleaning rag and bucket in my hand
so it looks like I was interrupted.”
“I keep a little spray bottle of Mr. Clean behind a shelf
door. I spray each room with it and it smells like I just finished cleaning.”
“I have a pretty basket in the living room. When the
doorbell rings, I throw big stuff, like toys, into it and cover them with
magazines.”
“I never apologize
for how the house looks. I ignore the dirt and clutter, and then my guests
must, too.”
What are your Phony Housekeeper Tips? Or, are you afraid to
share them so we all know?
